However, I am growing tired of obsessing about my weight, clothing size and body all of the time. It's not just my weight. It's what I eat, how much I eat, what I drink, how much water I am drinking, how often I exercise, what type of exercise I do. It's good to want to be healthy, and quite honestly, I am healthier now at a bigger size than I was in high school at a smaller size. I am healthier now because I try to eat three meals a day. Instead of a Slimfast bar for breakfast, an orange and five Saltines for lunch and whatever my mom makes for dinner, I let myself eat. I just try to be more conscious about it.
Sometimes though, I start to feel down about my progress and I wish that I could just have a faster metabolism. That I could be as thin as whichever actress I happen to be watching on TV. Working in my field, I come across a lot of local and national celebrities, models, makeup artists and more who are so beautiful and thin that I begin to lose sight of the accomplishments that I have made and the good transformations that have taken place on my body, and I focus on a figure that I will never attain, no matter how hard I exercise and how little I eat. I am a curvy girl. Even at my smallest waist sizes, I have wide hips, bigger thighs and a booty. I need to remember that I like curves. I want to have curves and that the actresses I most admire have curves (well, Angelina Jolie used to be a bit curvier before she got so very skinny).
Tonight, I went to see my mom and she gave me a Marilyn Monroe nightlite. It made me smile and then I remembered that according to legend, the iconic actress and model was a size 12. Us modern day women love to remind ourselves that Monroe was supposedly a size 12. A size 12 may not be the standard of today, but Marilyn Monroe has been and always will be above the standard. As I look at my nightlite, I am reminded that it's okay to not be a size 2. It's okay to be tall and to have curves. And by god, I LOVE my booty. Anyone who knows me can tell you that.
I am still going to work on losing the weight that I have gained but I am going to remind myself that I do not need to get to society's standard. I just need to get to my own standard. And for me, that standard has got some curves. While I will work to tone my arms, I will love that though my legs are not skinny, they are muscular. I am not a runway model, but my measurements now, are officially that of one of my most favorite shapes: The hourglass.
I do think Ms. Monroe would be very proud.