Thursday, February 21, 2013
I feel like it shouldn't be so hard for me to freelance write at a national level. I know plenty of local writers who are freelancing at a national level and they are inspirations to me. But every time I come across their articles I wonder what I am doing wrong. I have been doing this whole published writing gig for 11 years now. It's pretty crazy to realize that. I know I have come a long way and I am grateful for that. But, I feel like I should be further along.
As I continue to get older, I notice that the editors I am pitching to are getting younger. They are the ones with the power to say yes or no to my ideas. They are also leaps and bounds ahead of me in their careers and when I discover their professional accomplishments I experience a weird combination of jealousy and admiration.
Did I miss my chance? When do I accept that I may be too little too late? You do not need to be young to write. But these ambitious writers who are my competition seem to have the energy to work the full time job and stay up super late to get the article done and then wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed to do it all over again.
When I am done with my 8-10 hour day, I (try) to go straight to work out. From there, it's coming home to shower and eat dinner and by the time I actually get to sit down and relax, it's time to head to bed. I constantly seem to struggle with the side of me that is so tired and just wants to rest and the side of me that wants to be up late coming up with new story ideas and writing.
Once I come up with the idea I have to track down editor contact info and then pitch the ideas. Then it is a waiting game. So far, I either do not get a response at all or I get turned down.
I am trying not to give up because what I really want is to write. It is what I have wanted for most of my life. It just is not as easy as "Sex and the City" would have you believe. Or any other show about writers that I have seen. They make it look so glamorous. And almost always, the writer hits it big. A lot of these fictional writers in TV shows are in New York. Maybe being a Utah-based writer is half my problem. Or maybe reality is much more difficult than the fictional life of the young, glamorous writer who can somehow not work but afford to live in amazing apartments in the Big Apple.
As I continue to work through my crisis, I guess the only thing I can do is keep going and keep trying. If I don't make it to where I imagine myself going, at least I cannot blame myself for not trying. But sometimes the trying gets tough and I really just want to say fuck it all. And take a nap.