Unexpected Flashbacks

It's weird how random things can trigger an emotional response that you don't see coming. Mine happened on Thursday.

My 5 1/2 month old kitten was going in to get neutered on Friday and the night before I reminded Daveed that we needed to remove his food and water so that he didn't eat anything too close to his surgery. Soon after saying this I began to feel really sad and anxious. I was dreading having to be the one to take Lestat in and leaving him at the vet the next day.

I later remembered that the last time I had been to the vet's office was with my last cat, Charlie. Charlie had been my pet for over ten years and she meant the world to me. She had been there with me through some of the hardest moments in my life. My first real broken heart, the divorce of my parents, a drug addict boyfriend and more. There were many days and nights throughout those ten years that I would be curled up in a ball crying and Charlie would always come and lay next to me, comfort me and sometimes lick my tears and lay her head on me. She was my companion and made my life more enjoyable.

In May of this year, Daveed and I went on a six-day road trip and it was on that trip that he proposed. I was so excited to come home and tell people but more than than, I was excited to come home to my Charlie and Dylan. When we finally got home, I walked in and saw Charlie and burst in to tears.

In the six days that we had been gone she lost nearly six pounds. She could hardly walk and was emaciated. Her back legs basically gave out and I knew that if we had come home any later she would not have been here.

Charlie had started to have medical problems in October of 2010 I had taken her in for X-rays, ultrasounds, blood work and more. The vet could not find anything wrong with her but it was obvious that there was something because she was slowly losing weight over short periods of time.

I am thinking that Charlie had hung in there for me because she loved me and knew how much I loved her. When we left, Charlie finally gave in to her illness. She perked up when I came home and I was able to spend two nights with her before it was time to permanently say goodbye. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done.

The Monday after I came home from that trip my sister went with me to the vet and it was there that he told me that there was nothing that we could do at this point to save her. She was on her way out and it was only a matter of time. I did not want to let her go, but I knew that her quality of life was gone. I cried and held her and cried some more and I was there when she took her last breath. I had to leave the vet and later that day Daveed picked her up and we buried her in our yard. I was devastated.

A few weeks after that experience one of my friends told me that he had found some feral kittens and told me that I needed one. I thought it was too soon and I didn't want to do it but I had always wanted a black cat and my mom thought that it would help me heal. I gave in and after Lestat stopped nursing I brought him home.

He has been a wonderful addition to our little family. He and Dylan are best of friends and Daveed and I are so happy with our little prince. He really did help me heal. But I have not forgotten Charlie and it was taking Lestat to the vet that triggered an emotional response that had me laying in bed crying over my beloved Charlie.

Lestat's surgery went fine of course, and he is back at home making us smile and loving his family unconditionally. I am glad I have him. But I will always miss my Charlie.

R.I.P. Charlie. I love you.